Anxiety
“Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.”
–Jodi Picoult
Anxiety tells you to avoid your life; then, it feeds off that avoidance.
It’s as if you don’t really know which way is up anymore. You’re caught on the hamster wheel of ‘perform and produce’ with little satisfaction, direction, or purpose. You don’t know where to turn because you struggle to feel comfortable in your skin, let alone around other people.
Chances are you are feeling uncomfortable in multiple areas of your life. To avoid that discomfort, you begin to say ‘no,’ talk yourself out of doing things or seeing people or going places.
The discomfort you feel is that of fear, inadequacy – wanting to believe that you’re enough, but never fully trusting the thought.
The truth is, it’s not your friends or your job you’re trying to avoid. It’s the feeling of not knowing whether you’re liked or feeling like you don’t belong; it’s the feeling of not knowing whether you’re doing the “right thing” or making the “right choices” or if what you’re doing is even “enough.”
So, you try to put off having to decide things.
You let others around you make decisions, leaving you and your emotions at the whim of everyone around you. You silence yourself and retreat into the world in your head. This world, though, has become increasingly hostile, judgmental, unkind, anxious, distracted, and out of your control.
The more you retreat, the more that gets stored in the body and the mind. This leads to feeling tense, on edge, panicky, jittery; this becomes what you wish to avoid. And the cycle begins.
The mind builds up fears around the things you think cause you anxiety, and you behave in ways that provide short-term relief. Staying silent in uncomfortable situations, avoiding calling or texting people back, procrastinating on work or assignments because you’re afraid they won’t be perfect, closing yourself off from hobbies because your anxious mind doesn’t let you enjoy them.
When you suffer from anxiety, your life becomes an exercise in dodging the things that may cause discomfort and fearing the things that could disrupt you.
It can feel overwhelming and confusing not understanding what you’re experiencing internally…
… to not feel in control of your thoughts, emotions, or behaviors.
When this happens, you spend so much time in your head trying to figure everything out – often feeling disconnected from others and the world – which probably leaves you feeling like you’re the only one dealing with this. Everyone else seems to cope and navigate life just fine.
Walking around, feeling lost in the sea of people who “have their shit together,” can be an incredibly demotivating way to experience life. We can put an end to this and cultivate a sense of confidence, competence, and balance.
Anxiety, fear of being perceived as not good enough can leave you scrambling to prove something, exhausting yourself to please others, and outperform yourself time after time. Carrying these expectations is draining. Trying to avoid disappointment, failure, mishaps, rejection, sadness, and anger is all so draining.
Often, anxiety leaves you searching for control in all the wrong areas and ineffective ways.
Paul* came into my office two years ago…
… his body tensed into a knot.
He had already been to many physical therapists, acupuncturists, massage therapists, and doctors.
He was having crying spells and was missing days of work. He wanted to avoid work, avoid his family, avoid making decisions, and avoid therapy.
When Paul came to me, we dug into the issues he had been avoiding for years and how his life had become all about trying to escape the daily pressures. Paul feared being a bad husband, an inadequate father, and a poor performer at work. He felt as though he was failing everyone and doing everything wrong.
These beliefs were keeping him stuck in a pattern of isolation and anxiety.
He feared his body tensing up, so he tried to avoid the things he thought were causing it. He feared his anxiety, which doubled its intensity. He avoided surfing, golfing, playing with his kid, working, engaging with his wife and friends. The more he dodged, the more he feared the day he couldn’t avoid anymore.
Paul was trapped in a pattern of isolation and anxiety.
But as we worked together, he learned skills that helped him cope with distress and equipped him to address issues at the moment, make decisions, and cultivate confidence in himself and his ability to handle whatever comes his way.
Now, he no longer avoids experiencing and expressing thoughts and emotions; he actively engages with his son and is authentic in his relationships. He no longer focuses on pleasing others to his detriment.
Let’s take this one mountain at a time.
Paul did not resolve these issues overnight. We started chipping away slowly at small rocks in his way before tackling the giant boulders and mountains.
Clients who struggle with anxiety often enter therapy with strong defense mechanisms, coping strategies that shield them from feeling, so those first have to be uncovered and addressed. The brain doesn’t want to feel pain, so it has adapted to shielding us from emotional pains as we have evolved, and physical harm became less of a threat.
Simultaneously, you’ll learn skills to help you cope with the symptoms of anxiety. This step comes before uncovering root causes and origins as the anxiety can be attached to painful experiences. You must have the skills to handle what we uncover; otherwise, therapy can be counterproductive.
From there, I guide clients through their life systematically, often pulling from information given in the initial sessions or words/phrases used throughout therapy to help find connections. There is a cause for what you’re experiencing. We will find it and reframe these experiences to understand their impact better and lessen their hold on you.
Just like Paul, you’ll find your authentic voice, learn how and when to use it, and gain confidence in your ability to navigate the natural difficulties of life. I don’t stop there, though.
Through exploring values, wants, needs, relationships, and play, we’ll work to build a life you’re excited to be living, one that provides happiness, joy, and peace. You can build a life by your values, one that neither needs nor demands others’ approval or acceptance.
The longer you wait to address it…
… the more this mountain will just keep growing
I want to help you embrace your anxiety – to uncover the root causes of it… so you can live a life full of peace, happiness, confidence, authenticity, and joy. You can find pleasure, even when faced with difficult situations or uncomfortable emotions.
Your life does not have to be an exercise in keeping the status quo. You owe it to yourself – give me a call and take control of your life and your anxiety once and for all.
Don’t wait. Call today, and let’s schedule your free consultation: (561) 578-3058.
*Name changed to preserve client confidentiality.