Life Transitions
“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”
–Maya Angelou
What happened?
You did everything “right,” living according to how you thought was best, or followed the advice of wise ones before you. So why aren’t you enjoying the fruits of your labor more? Why are you struggling with energy and motivation or feeling directionless now?
Chances are you find yourself a little lost. As a child, you wanted to be a pilot or a movie star or envisioned being married with a big family by 30. As you go through the motions realizing that life didn’t exactly unfold as you once wanted, you’re running out of ways to convince yourself that everything is okay.
Change is one of the unavoidable parts of life, yet one that most people try to evade. Changing where you’re at or the path you’re on doesn’t invalidate what came before it. Changing careers or partners or states doesn’t mean that you chose wrong the first time. Think of it as a process of elimination.
You tried something, you committed to a degree, or a job, or a person, and you’re trying to avoid the disappointment of acknowledging that it didn’t work out. It didn’t contribute to your happiness or satisfy your wants and needs or fulfill you in the ways you thought it would.
Stop expecting yourself to have a magic ball, and let’s work on cultivating drive and passion and let go of regret, resentment, confusion, and fear.
What now?
One of the biggest complaints clients make is that they are dissatisfied in general and can’t really put the finger on what or why. Do you feel unhappy and often think that there is something wrong with you?
How come I can’t figure out how to be happy in life while everyone else seems to have their lives figured out?
Being dissatisfied with your life or lost isn’t a reflection on you as a person. It doesn’t mean you chose “wrong” or that you “failed.” It merely means that what you thought would happen didn’t, and that’s okay. You can’t expect yourself to be able to predict the future.
People run from feeling any discomfort and admitting that you’re unhappy and want to make changes can feel really uncomfortable. To avoid facing the reality of our situations, we try to compensate for unhappiness by seeking it anywhere we can find it, sometimes without even knowing what we need to change in our lives.
The confusion over what you’re unhappy with can often leave you feeling irritable, angry, and short-tempered with those around you.
The constant dissatisfaction can leave you feeling helpless, hopeless, lost, and unmotivated.
Stop expecting yourself to “just figure it out” one of these days. Chances are, you’re at the point where you need an objective third party to help you.
Of course, you want to make the “right” decision…
Will this make me happy?
Is this the right direction?
What do I do now?
A time comes when you have choices to make, changes to embrace, and a direction to choose. It’s easy to be plagued by anxiety because you don’t know what to do – you feel paralyzed.
Maybe a part of you wants to move closer to family while the other half of your fears what that will mean and how much effort and money will cost.
Perhaps you know your relationship is failing but fear being alone.
You may even be considering a career change, but there’s a part of you saying you’re too old to start over.
So, chances are, you stay. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you keep going through the motions because the unknown scares you more than the dissatisfaction you’re currently experiencing.
This becomes a paralyzing pattern: Recognizing you’re unhappy, looking at potential alternatives, then scaring yourself back into the same old same old as you think of all the reasons not to change something.
From here, you grow resentful, angry, depressed, and searching. You look for happiness and comfort in vacations, drugs, alcohol, affairs, work, social media, etc. Instead of forging ahead and building the life of your dreams, you surround yourself with excuses, justifications, and temporary fixes.
What if I told you there was no “right” or “wrong” choice?
Many people get caught up in trying to make out the crystal ball’s image that they lose valuable time building themselves into the person they need to be to succeed.
There is no guarantee that any choice will be “right.” Even ordering take out is hit or miss sometimes, let alone trying to choose a career or embrace life post-divorce.
The concept of finding the “right” path is a myth. The only person whose opinion matters about what’s right or wrong is yours, and you don’t have to categorize a decision as “wrong” just because it didn’t go the way you wanted.
Here’s the key: You won’t know until you get there, but do you have the skills to pivot again and make a change?
You can’t outrun choice, change, or consequence…
But you can learn to embrace them.
Mastering change is one of the most valuable skill sets a person can develop. Change is constantly happening. You are a different person now than before you read this page. You’re a different person now than you were when you got married, graduated from college, or agreed to the path you’re currently on.
Sometimes change is thrust upon us, and we are left searching for the way things were – how to recreate what was lost. This avoidance of change and consequence leads to a lifetime of anger, frustration, sadness, and misery.
These facts of life (choices, changes, and consequences) can create so much suffering if they aren’t navigated effectively – and even more so if they’re avoided altogether.
What’s next?
Let’s work to help you embrace change, lean into healthy and effective decision making, and endure consequences without falling apart.
People equate change with being something “bad” or “difficult” – it doesn’t have to be. Changing a part of your life doesn’t have to disrupt your entire life, and it doesn’t mean you have to abandon everything that is currently in your life.
My first step is to assess any resistance you may have to change – fears, assumptions, irrational thought processes, adverse experiences in the past, and more. Without understanding what’s holding you back, we won’t be able to move forward.
Then we examine your relationship with yourself. How well do you know yourself? Are you aware of any underlying values guiding your decisions and wants? Or are you living according to someone else’s values? Are you a person who prefers to follow in someone else’s footsteps or carve your path? How did you get to be where you are today, and what dissatisfies you?
Everyone is different, so your “right” path needs to be customized to fit who you are, but it won’t be an effective process if you haven’t gotten to know yourself. This step is a pivotal part of any transition process. If you already have an established, insightful, and aware relationship with yourself, then we can move forward.
You will ultimately decide to determine how you want to proceed and what to choose. I give you the skills necessary to effectively and mindfully decide and facilitate success in whatever you choose. I will not impose my own opinions or beliefs on whether you should take a job, change your major, leave a partner, move across the country, or sever ties with anyone.
You will be supported by me throughout the process and will never be judged on what you decide to do with your life. You’re encouraged to shake off the “shoulds” and “supposed to’s” and forge ahead, confident in yourself to manage the natural difficulties that come with living authentically and happily.
Let’s transition to a phone call…
Stop going through the motions of scrolling through these pages and not reaching out.
Stop putting your life on hold because you’re afraid of what’s on the other side.
You owe it to yourself to pick up the phone and start this process. It’s free. It’s 20 minutes. What do you have to lose?
Ask yourself: Are you ready for the consequences of NOT changing?
Don’t put this off. Call me, and let’s schedule your free consultation today: (561) 578-3058.