How Healing Happens

I think we can all admit we’ve felt insane at times.

Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Chances are you’ve had those sparks of motivation, a bright idea to change something about yourself or your marriage. You get inspired by a moving book or a thought-provoking movie and create ways to get yourself out of this continuous funk. But it never lasts.

A new haircut. A new partner. A new job. A new apartment. New clothes. New car. The list of temporary fixes could go on forever. Sadly their benefits don’t.

Not knowing how to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” is not a weakness. We aren’t taught these skills as children. Well, I know I certainly wasn’t; most people aren’t.

Usually, what’s modeled for us are ineffective ways to cope with stress, unhealthy dynamics in relationships, rejection of self, and an inability to understand and regulate emotions.

You’re on the merry-go-round of insanity because it’s all you know. You owe it to yourself to learn healthier ways to approach yourself, others, and the world around you.

The pain can be deep… and it can come from many places.

Frustration grows into apathy as you try new ways to spice up your marriage and the effort falls flat after a couple of months or even a couple of weeks. The date nights fade, your partner gets “too busy,” and you go back to the monotonous routine that drove you mad.

Disappointment follows any drive you once had to conquer your anxiety and control your thoughts and emotions. You’ve tried yoga and that weird breathing technique you saw in a video once. You’ve tried the oils your friend’s mom suggested and found new hobbies, but nothing sticks, and those green shakes to boost your mood just started making you sad.

Hopelessness sets in as you’ve tried every angle to get your family’s acceptance and approval. Shame and anger, cloud empathy, and compassion as you struggle to find your footing as an LGBTQ+ person living in a hetero-normative world.

Confusion and fear pop up as you consider ways to change your life, so you try to find the positives about your job, where you live, and the life you’ve built thus far. But “looking on the bright side” does nothing to quiet the lingering dissatisfaction beneath the facade.

Unfortunately, these emotions can leave us feeling demotivated, overwhelmed, and helpless. The more you try and don’t get what you want, the less likely you will try again.

It’s time to do something different.

Let’s connect the dots and create a new trajectory for your life.

You will first learn the skills to cope with distress in the present moment.

When emotions flare, it’s hard to know what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling that way, and how to help yourself. I’ll teach you how to increase awareness of the world inside your mind and body, how to get to know yourself and your experiences intimately.

By learning what you’re going through, you’ll better understand how to meet your own emotional needs in a time of crisis, chaos, or panic.

You won’t rely on another person to say the right thing or do the right thing to help you calm down.

You won’t be at the mercy of another person to make or break your mood.

You won’t personalize the behaviors, emotions, or attitudes of others.

You will have the insight to identify what you’re going through and the skills to handle whatever comes your way without being completely thrown off by circumstances or others’ actions.

Once you’re able to cope with and tolerate discomfort…

You’ll be guided through the experiences that brought you to this point.

It’s true… it may not feel great at first. But for the past to stop interfering with and hinder the present and future, we first have to make sense of it and understand it. We have to find the connections and root causes of why you struggle in the way(s) you do.

I know, I know… it’s the cliché of having to explore childhood experiences… but this isn’t about going through every horrible birthday party or every lousy grade.

It’s about pulling out the themes – the subtle messages and core beliefs you received and developed throughout your life.

These may not have been things someone directly said to you, but these were the messages you internalized, the beliefs you adopted as truths without even realizing it. These themes repeatedly play out in our lives, so we don’t have to process every experience in detail.

We’ll do this work with empathy, compassion, and validation. No judgment.

You’ll learn how to process events without judgment of yourself or others.

And you’ll be able to take this with you into new experiences.

These themes influence the way you experience every facet of your life. By recognizing and correcting them through dedicated efforts of thought stopping, reframing, affirmation, self-validation, and corrective experiences, you’ll change the way you see yourself and the world.

The goal of healing is to shed harmful, self-defeating themes and adopt new ones. All the beliefs you hold have been learned, but usually from people who hold their own unhealthy set of beliefs and project them onto you.

Our work is to undo this and replace it with beliefs that are self-affirming, compassionate, resilient, ones that align with your values and authentic self.

Therapy and healing are complete, not when all the pain is gone, and life is seamless and easy… but when you gain the confidence to handle future pain, sustain successes, and enjoy the life you’re building.

Are you ready to start living your best self?

Because that’s whatever image you hold of yourself that brings you joy, happiness, confidence, excitement, and pride.

You can take a moment now to heal some fear and reach out to schedule a free consultation: (561) 578-3058.

Healing isn’t linear or the same for every person, but it always starts with the same first step: deciding that it’s time and making the appointment.